How do you change your self-talk? We have all heard be mindful of your self-talk. To be aware of what you are saying to yourself. It has become more prevalent in today’s society especially with all the alone time with COVID. Taking time to be more aware of one’s thought process is of huge importance. There have been numerous studies on self-talk to document the effects of negative self-talk on a person.
What about grace? Do you give yourself the grace to make mistakes or are you a perfectionist? Do you believe you have to be one or the other? Is it possible to be both?
Using Self-talk to give yourself grace
Today I left home to go do my workout and then go to the grocery store. I enjoyed my workout and danced my way through the grocery store getting the things on my list. I was so proud of myself I only picked up one thing that was not on my list. Haha, can you relate? Well, as I go through the self-checkout lane. I begin to daydream about the lunch I’m going to eat when I get my new food purchases home, I get really excited. That workout had me hungry.
Then low and behold I dig in my wallet and NOOOO! No debit card… How am I going to pay? As I rack my brain trying to figure out a way to pay without it, I remembered my card was on my apple pay. About then the lovely cashier comes over and asks if I need assistance. I proceed to explain my dilemma and she informs me they do not take apple pay. Okay, now what? As I stand still there thinking, she offers to put my purchase on hold while I go retrieve my card so I do not have to shop again.
I was so grateful for the wonderful cashier I happily proceeded to run home and collect my card laughing and counting my blessings along the way to and fro.
Now, I could have been upset and scolded myself for not checking before I left home. I could have been upset at the extra gas it would take for the extra time to make the extra trip. Especially when I tried to plan it so I would only make one.
To what end? Why? Grace is not only something to give to others but something you should practice with yourself.
Attitude of gratitude
What I chose to focus on was being grateful for the lovely cashier who helped me so I did not have to shop again. I was excited that the helpful cashier was going to keep my groceries right up front for easy pickup. I was grateful that I may have left my card, but there was plenty of money in the account.
The choice is yours to make every single day. Not only how you talk to yourself but how you choose to treat yourself when you make a mistake. You are not perfect. None of us are. Why is it not more common to practice self grace with that self-talk?
There was no law broken when I forgot my card. It was an accident. For me to belittle myself would have been the crime.
I realized as I laughed and accepted the fact that I am not perfect. Yes, I do forget things. I may or may not have even locked my keys in my car at some point. :0) I realized again, I am different. I look for the good, ALWAYS.
My youngest son told me not that long ago that my positive outlook could be downright frustrating at times when he was younger but he is grateful now.
I also believe that this silly little incident allowed me a wonderful opportunity to share with you a few options you may find useful to help you stop the frustration and give yourself grace.
Pause, Breathe, Believe
- Pause. As soon as you feel the negative emotions start consciously pause.
- Breathe. Take a deep breath. A few if needed.
- Believe. Believe you can take care of the situation.
Now that you have stopped the negative start the positive.
- List out things you are grateful for. Make a game of it if you have to. How many can you name?
- Look for any reason to laugh. A funny thought, something around you. Anything.
- Challenge your self to talk to yourself like you would a distraught stranger.
Look, negative things may happen. How you handle them is up to you. What if you could stop looking down on yourself and start looking up for inspiration? It can start as simple as that. Hence, the phrase “down in the doldrums” or “keep your chin up”.
Learning how to have grace with yourself is as much a conscious effort as healthy self-talk until it becomes a habit. Then you can do both unconsciously.
The behaviors we have, are up to us to understand. The trauma that caused them can be addressed and turned around. Do not let a past that gave you an unpleasant habit derail your future. Give yourself grace and take steps to build a better you. You are worth it.
I would love to hear about your experiences in a challenging situation. Tell us all about it below.
Have a blessed day, y’all.
Peggie Sue | The Midlife Dream Life Coach