Wow! Rediscover your power? Where did it go? How did that happen? What happened to her and how do you get her back? You know. The woman who raised the kids while keeping the house running and killing it at that wonderful job. The woman who ruled at any or all of that. Remember her? You always had the answer or found a way to make it happen. Never failing to get the work done. Taking care of any task or issue that came up. The confident woman who did whatever it took to get the job done. To “rediscover your power” after your divorce, you need to understand where it came from.
Where is that awesome homemaker?
What about “Super Mom”?
The woman who heald all wounds with a bandaid and a kiss. Saved the class party with the favorite snack. Calmed every nightmare and managed to find the perfect shoes and outfit on a budget. Heck, you might have even had the ultimate house, where all the kids wanted to hang out at after school. That was always the best feeling because you also knew where everyone was at all times.
Have you forgotten bringing home that newborn? Do you remember trying to figure out what each whimper or cry meant? Are they hungry or wet? Wait, maybe tired or want to be rocked. Did they eat enough? All that worry came before “Super Mom”
Where is wonder woman?
Hello, you just got dealt one heck of a blow. The how and why are different for everyone, but the results are the same. That power you had to get the job done. That sheer will that always found a way to make it happen. That power just got taken. You can’t fix this. Wait, you can fix anything. Right? Wrong. Whatever your reasons you are now, starting over. That is a hard pill to swallow. To accept failure.
Wait, you’ve failed before. You always get back up and try again. So what makes this failure so dang different? Why is it so hard to face this one and start over? We all know someone who has or is going through a divorce, right? For some, this may not be the first one.
So where is that power or confidence you used to accomplish the most daunting tasks before the divorce and why is it not recovering? It should have returned by now, right?
So where do you find it?
Well, think about it like this. When you failed at things before you always had another challenge to face. Something challenging that would offset the failure. Kind of like a cha cha. Always forward and back, a give and take. That series of successes, no matter how small, worked toward you growing your confidence. You built it. Every day. With every tiny victory. Most of the failures you don’t even remember now.
As time went on and life changed, as it always does. The challenges got fewer and further between and you settled into being a good wife over time. The children grew up and became independent, so they needed you less and less. Which means a job well done. You are a pro at that job now or just working the minimal time you can. Chances are you do not have a lot of challenges from day to day like you once had. Now what?
Your power must be rebuilt.
This may seem silly but you have had your focus on helping others reach goals for years. Now here you are at a point in life you never dreamed of. Trying to start over and remember how to dream your own dream. Looking to rediscover the power to build again with confidence and grace.
For the lucky few who kept yourselves challenged over the years and set a few personal goals, for you, the foundation of self-growth has begun. You have begun the transition to building your confidence from within already.
Some have not had the foresight to work on self-growth. This is a sad truth for most women your age. Your focus on family and being the caregiver was rewarding enough, you did not feel the need. You were secure in yourself and your life. Now what? That just got taken away.
How to regain your power.
This is where the challenge begins. For each of you are at a different place in your journey. That being said, the goals will be very different for each individual.
For those in the beginning stages, you could focus on goals as simple as personal daily growth, such as eating right and positive self talk to start, as outlined in Fabulous at 50. This may sound like a waste of time but always remember that every small victory adds up. The stronger you get you can set goals that move your forward at your own pace.
For the women who already try to stay challenged the key here is to continue forward. Every small step toward your goal helps with your mindset. Remember you are in the process of not only reaching a goal but proving to yourself that you can. You have many challenges ahead of you. Take each one as it comes and focus on the victories along the way. Use the failures to learn not as an excuse to quit.
Grow at your own pace.
Whatever stage of recovery you are in, no matter how daunting the future looks. Remember to enjoy the small victories. Congratulate yourself for not giving in. Encourage yourself to try new things. Rest when you get overwhelmed and even cry it out when you feel the need and then, go again.
The powerful confidence you once had was not built overnight. Recovery will not be overnight either. If you acknowledge this one simple fact, it will be easier to begin the process of rebuilding. Change your expectations. Why should you expect things to be the same when you are now a different person. Start from where you are and move forward. Slowly, step by step, growing into the woman you are now becoming with grace.