Heart of the Issue

The number of single women who are trying to start over and build a new life after a divorce or other life event is staggering.   So even being a very private person especially with my private life I feel the need to step out and share this personal part of my life to help others understand that we all have it within us to heal and move forward.

By nature, I am a positive and happy person. I learned very young not to look outside for
acceptance. When you learn to accept yourself with all our imperfections you become more
positive. Fear and insecurities come from the “unknown”. Well, if you truly take the time to
know yourself you become less and less afraid.

On the day he decided to tell me I was no longer what made him happy and he no longer liked
coming home to me. I was in total shock. No one wants to hear these things and I had no idea
it was coming. Don’t get me wrong, we had issues; we had been married almost 16 years. The
usual couples growing pains of being married, nothing major. I let him speak his mind and
wishes, with very little response at all. I cried most the night, thinking and crying.

The difference in my mindset starts here. I then began to asses from an outside perspective, as
a 3rd party observer who actually had access to ALL the information to get to the heart of the

I am sharing this in hopes you may find some part of it useful in getting you through and find your focus.

6 Questions to get to the Heart of the Issue

  1. What about the words hurt the most?
  2. what was the value or truth to the words?
  3. What issues were/are truly my responsibility?
  4. Does this opinion make me less of a person?
  5. Would changing myself truly fix what was broken in someone else?
  6. Did I give it everything?

The key to these questions is to give honest answers. Truly take responsibility for your part in
the situation no matter how big or small it may seem.

You cannot heal if you never move past the anger, blame and shame that comes with a
breakup. Yes, even shame. Most of us are ashamed we failed regardless of blame.

Accept your flaws and truly work to improve if for no other reason than to save yourself.
If you are not enough as your true self then changing who you are for someone else will never
fix anything.

Improving oneself to become a better person and grow is a must. Changing who you are to
satisfy someone else’s desire to make you something they are more comfortable with can only
lead to unhappiness.

I hope this helps you move past the emotional clutter to start your journey to recovery or
inspires you to find questions that work for you in the same manner.

Have a blessed day y’all.


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